“I had never seen Fonny outside of the world in which
I moved. I had seen him with his father and his mother
and his sisters, and I had seen him with us. But I’m not
sure, now that I think about it, that I had ever really seen
him with me: not until this moment when we were leaving
the restaurant and all the waiters were laughing and talk-
ing with him, in Spanish and in English, and Fonny’s face
opened in a way I’d never seen it open and that laugh of
his came rumbling up from his balls, from their balls—
I had certainly never seen him, anyway, in the world in
which he moved. Perhaps it was only now that I saw him
with me, for he was turned away from me, laughing, but he
was holding on to my hand. He was a stranger to me, but
joined. I had never seen him with other men, I had never
seen the love and respect that men can have for each other.”
- Clementine “Tish” River
If Beale Street Could Talk
p. 58
…i think it’s time for my annual
gathering with Tish & Fonny.
…he made it a point
to point out (to me)
that i was loved. not only by him
but by so many others.
that in my life - i didn’t lack love or care or nourishment. in any capacity.
he used to worry that he was the only person feeding into me.
the only person caring for me. in any capacity.
[he knew]
(and because, at a point, i had a propensity for being tragic and dramatic (hush!) - i own that i was responsible for that.)
in “fairness” to my growth + development: i was blind.
(“…we as people take sight for granted.”)
…lacked the ability to comprehend any of this. at least in that particular time in our relationship.
i had [have?] a tendency to be distant
and removed. i had [have?] a tendency to lose sight
of what is going on around me
because there was [is?] always so much
going on inside me (and around me).
[“still”:]
he loved me. he allowed me space to love myself.
i allowed me to love him.
[peace to ntozake, fonny, and tish.]
all of this allowed me to be secure in the knowledge and understanding that:
…people love me. that people care for me.
that i matter.
he always provided space for me to remember that. to own that.
to love that.
so i could [continue to] love.
…as a/an [somewhat very] early birthday present
i was given a signed, limited first edition copy
of If Beale Street Could Talk.
*insert happy black boy praise dance here*
David Leeming
James Baldwin
A Biography by David Leeming
p. 325
on James Baldwin & If Beale Street Could Talk
(via allthingsjamesbaldwin)
